Fishing Q&A - When do you call it quits?

When do you call it quits?

Okay, a little background first. I am 25, my husband is 27. My husband and I have known each other for 8 years and have been married for 4. We have decent jobs and live quite comfortably. We live on an 80 acre farm, we have a cat and 3 dogs. We love each other more than life itself. I don't speak for my husband, only what he has told me. We are true solemates. Our friends are jealous of our relationship...it's that good. I volunteer and he plays 3 sports, so we have our share of alone time and don't rely on each other to survive all day. We camp, fish, boat and do all kinds of out door activites together. We have been trying to conceive for about 4 years, basically right after our wedding. It's finally to the point where I am ready to give up and move on. I know my husband wants kids in the worst way, as do I, but I am unceratin when it becomes a matter of selfishness. Do I really want to risk the life and health of my child because I can't stand disapointing myself? I have been diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, although I don't know if I belive it or not. I have tried the Clomid thing, I have tried some infertility treatments like Letrozole, all with no results. My body basically doesn't respond at all. I have had an HSG with no problems. He has had a semen analysis-no issues. IVF and adoption are finacially out of the question. I am only 25, I realize that, but I am tired of wishing and hoping. I just feel like saying-DONE. I am so annoyed by people wanting to know when we will have kids...not so easy to explain. I am so ready to be able to say, we won't be having any. Funny enough, I feel like I will be letting my husband down more than anything. He won't have a child to teach to camp/hunt/fish/play hockey/insert activity here. We are also the only grandkids married and ever able to carry on the family name. All the pressure makes me want to make the decision sooner. I just don't want to regret it. So... Oh, and ever day is a new adventure for me. I work in an OB/Gyn Clinic and see all the tramps coming is with their billion kids they can't afford and so excited number 6 is on the way. I look up and ask, "What is so wrong with me that I can't just have one?" Any one have any thoughts for me? Sorry for rambling?

Public Comments

I had a friend in your situation and once she gave up "trying" she was pregnant a few months later. She couldn't even tell when it happened because she wasn't paying attention. Since you and your husband are so close this should be a decision you make together.
i think you should take ur mind off of it and if it is ment to happen it will..but in the mean time even though yall cant afford to adopt you could be a foster parent
Start saving for IVF. The world need parents like you and your husband. All those people that ask "WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE KIDS" are the first ones you should tell "HEY I NEED AN IVF TREATMENT, can you help with a donation" Flip it on them since they constantly are asking what is going on tell them and do not be ashamed. Another group you can target are the TRAMPS that come to your office ask them to drop the change they have in their pockets in a jar at your desk, so you can have their same feeling of JOY! Do not take comfort in the fact that you are 25, you will always get older and it will just get harder. STAY POSITIVE, and be optimistic, never quit.
Great marriage! Congratulations! You haven't said what you are trying, or have tried or researched, on getting pregnant. Since you both want kids in the worst way, don't give up. There are two things that I noticed from what you stated that could be related to not conceiving. One, the cat. If you have a litter box, you should not go near it. For some reason the hormones and chemicals in feline urine interfere with the human female hormones. When my wife and I were trying to get her pregnant, she informed me of this,so I don't know where she got the information from, but I trust her because she did get pregnant and we have a child. Secondly, you are both physically active. If he is bicycling, that needs to come to an end. The seat of a bicycle puts pressure on a man's prostate and contributes to a drop in the sperm count and can lead to sterility. What he wears will contribute to the problem as well. If he wears tight jeans/pants, or anything other than boxer style underwear, he needs to change that. The male scrotum regulates the temperature in the testicles and if it gets to hot or to cold, the scrotum will contract or expand to allow the right temperature. Lastly, no hot tubs, too hot for the sperm to survive. The biggest threat to conceiving when you want a child is stress. Not saying bad stress, just stress. If a woman is experiencing high stress, your body will not allow you to concieve. Trying to get pregnant and wanting it so badly you can almost feel your child in your arms is stress. Find more time to relax for yourself. I know of two couples that were told that they could not have kids. I am not suggesting you do this, but both of them adopted a child and then within a few years they had naturally conceived children. No stress, and *POOF* she got pregnant. I am putting in a few links to help and will pray that you two get the child you so desperately want with all fingers, toes, two eyes and a nose right where they are supposed to be, a beautiful mix of both of you, and all the joys of being a parent will come to you soon. P.S. Give your child the greatest gift you can beside bringing them into this world, please, please, please breastfeed.
that is a really difficult situation. i don't really have any magical words of wisdom for you. it sounds like you and your husband are a very happy couple. it is very painful when you have to see all these ppl who clearly don't want kids popping out one after another. if i were you i would keep trying everything i could afford for ever but i know it gets to be a bit painful. if it is to the point that you just want to give up then just quit trying. it may happen or it may not. just focus your time on other things and if it does then great if not you have prepared your self for that. you are in a perfect situation to foster a child but if you think it would be to painful to give the child up then i wouldn't. i wish that i could say that it will happen for you because you deserve it but i cant. good luck!
My heart goes out to you. I do not know if you have a relationship with God or not but I have noticed in my own life that God seems to allow us to suffer sometimes waiting for the thing we want the most. What gets me is that in the meantime, you must work in the hardest field! How do you do that? watching all that fertility parading through the OB's office making your waiting for your own pregnancy seem even more unbearable? If you are inclined to ask God for help, do so. It helped me. I prayed for children--none came--for a long time. I did however, notice that instead of a feeling of despair and hopelessness while I waited, I had a sense of peace that carried me through. I was able to answer others' thoughtless questions with humor and wit (which gave me a lot of satisfaction!) Then it happened, years later and after a lot of work, we got pregnant. No one could understand that joy more than me! Don't look back, don't despair, don't decide that God is punishing you or doesn't want your amazing marriage to create life. He works miracles in his time. Trust him. Let go of all your fears about adoption, or doing what it takes to conceive. Trust and believe in yourself. Yours is a home worth waiting for. Yours is a marriage any child would be so blessed to be born into. Make it your goal to have a sense of peace...listen for the answers...parent in any way God chooses to give you either in or out of the womb. For me, that was my answer and I am eternally grateful now for the daughter that came out of my body and is now my best friend (she graduated high school tonight! :) You deserve this too! Believe! Calm your heart...with God nothing is impossible.
It sounds like you are just getting completely worn out from all of the trying. That is bound to happen when you keep trying and keep getting disappointed. Do you think your desire to stop trying may be a self-defense mechanism to try to stop you from feeling the pain every month? I don't think trying to have a child ever becomes a selfish act, or if it is , it is a selfishness that all of us share. Just because someone got their baby easily doesn't mean that their motivation for wanting a child was any different than yours is. Not sure I understand the risking the life and health of your baby part. Your situation is tough because if it is really important to your husband and you had committed to the idea, it will be devastating to him to give up his dream of fatherhood completely, especially at such a young age. It might be extra hard for him when he knows that there are other options out there you could pursue (yes, I know that IVF and adoption are expensive, but no one I know that does it actually has enough money to do it. We go into debt). This is the sort of conflict that could ruin a relationship, no matter how solid it is. If you do decide to stop trying, you need to let him get to that point, too, before you refuse to consider any other options. You are at a crossroads now and it is a really scary one. You are either resigning yourself to a childless life or embarking on a scary mission that may lead to debt and emotional suffering. It will definitely take some deep conversations with your husband to decide which way to go. Personally, if I were in your shoes, I would start saving now an have a future plan. If you live comfortably now, just cut back a little each month for your fertility plan. If you can save $5,000/year for 4 years, you can afford a shared risk plan that will allow you to do 3-4 fresh IVF cycles and any frozen embryo transfers that may result. If at the end of these cycles you still do not have a baby, you will get most of the fee (usually around $18,000 or so) to apply towards an adoption. I have seen IVF work for a lot of PCOS poor-responders where other treatments did not. One way or the other, as you enter your early 30s, you will be a mom. That would just be my game plan. You may have very different views and I'm sure whatever you decide as a team will be the right decision for you as a couple.
Since you're 25, you do have the luxury of time. Why don't you guys take a break? It sounds as if you've been through a lot...emotionally and physically. Why not just take the next year and say "Who cares!" Maybe that distance from it all will inspire you to come up with a new plan, or at least put some things into perspective. Heck, you might even get pregnant when you stop trying. One last thing, and it's a long shot... do you have a weight problem? Some women with PCOS have weight as an additional issue. I might suggest losing just a little bit, as little as 10% of what you weigh now. You'd be surprised how just a little change like that could kick start your reproductive organs into gear, even with PCOS. If you don't have a weight issue, then completely ignore this paragraph! Good luck.